A Lesson in Seduction

Also, a crew cut in the vineyard and a Valentine's Day special

We’ll get to the love story in a moment, and to the coyote and deer and snow. First, the haircut.

Here on the farm, it’s pruning time. The grape vines and apple trees are dormant, so this is when they get haircuts. The apple trees get only a modest trim, but the grape vines get a crew cut. About 90 percent of the vine comes off.

It’s easier to show than to explain, so we asked for a video tutorial from Jessica Dunnam, viticulturist for the vineyard management company that works with us, Results Partners. Jessica is overseeing this year’s pruning, and here she is (our farm dog, Connie, gets Best Supporting Actress):

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We’re expecting snow on the farm in the next couple of days. We’re fine inside the house by the hearth, but we always think about the animals. Here’s a coyote a year ago in the snow behind our house, caught by our wildlife camera.

And the deer seem to be discussing the weather concerns. Just look at them:

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And now with Valentine’s Day approaching, a love story. Our own.

Nick and Sheryl met as competitors – the last people who should have been dating. They were both based in Los Angeles and covering business: Nick for The New York Times and Sheryl for The Wall Street Journal.

A mutual friend, Eileen, was hosting a party and told Nick that she was setting him up with Sheryl. But Eileen told the same thing to Jack, a wealthy investment banker, and she told Sheryl about Jack but not about Nick. Jack was, sadly, not only rich but also good-looking and charming. So at the party, Jack and Nick were fawning over Sheryl, getting her drinks, laughing at her jokes and shooting diabolical frowns at each other.

Later that evening, the party was moving to another person’s house, and this was the moment of truth. Jack offered Sheryl a ride in his BMW. Nick invited her to join him in his New York Times-issued Chevrolet, the least fashionable car in all of California.

“I just put in a car phone,” Jack said. “You can make a call while we drive there.”

“Well, my car has a radio,” Nick countered. “We can listen to music on the radio.”

Miracles happen! Ten minutes later, Sheryl was riding shotgun in Nick’s Chevy, and Jack was alone with his wallet in his BMW. How did this happen? Did Nick club Jack over the head? Was it Nick’s cologne? We don’t remember clearly, and Sheryl can’t put her finger on the decisive factor. But although our memories have dimmed and we wouldn’t swear to this in court, we’d like to think that it’s because Jack brought Sheryl a glass of Cabernet while Nick proffered a glass of Oregon Pinot Noir that he had brought to the party.

So there’s a lesson here, folks. If you want to get the girl – or the guy – you must show some class. One research study indicated that a glass of Oregon Pinot Noir is 62 percent more successful in seductions than a Cab, and 73 percent more successful than a Merlot. Well, okay, we made that up. But doesn’t it seem plausible?

And speaking of romance, here’s the young couple not long after that:

All that leads us to our Valentine’s Day sale. We’re romantics and we’d like to give you every edge in kindling – or rekindling or preserving – the flame of romance. Even if you’re old fogies like us, a glass on Valentine’s Day is special. So for the next four days we’re offering 15 percent off a half case (6 bottles) and 20 percent off a full case (12 bottles) or more of our Pinot Noir when ordered through our website. Think of it as an investment in love.

Delivery takes time, though, especially if the weather is uncooperative, so if you want the wine for Valentine’s Day, we suggest ordering immediately. And don’t feel obliged to go with the Pinot Noir. You may prefer the Chardonnay or Rosé, or our prize-winning hard ciders. It’s all on our website.

The sale will run from now through midnight on Feb. 8. No crawling to us on Feb. 13 and pleading for a break. True love means planning in advance! Your beloved is worth it. (And, we think, probably worth a case.) And if you don’t plan in advance but want to pretend you do, you can buy her or him a membership in our wine club or cider club; they’ll get a shipment each spring and fall and a chance to join our Zoom Salon conversations about…everything. The new member gets a welcome letter by email, so you can order that on your way to a Valentine’s Day dinner; just bring roses, too.

If you’re in our area, another option is to drop by the Carlton Winemaker Studio tasting room, where our pals there can put together a lovely Valentine three-pack crafted to the tastes of your beloved, with our wines and/or others.

May you find your valentine and hold him or her tight on Feb. 14! Romance is as elegant, complex and beautiful as a fine wine, and ages just as well. Speaking of which, here’s an updated glimpse of the couple:

So happy valentine’s day from all of us on Kristof Farms