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Amy Letter's avatar

Here’s a little personal story. I tested positive for pregnancy after my second round of IVF, so needless to say, a WANTED pregnancy. However, I was very realistic about the odds of things going wrong or right at various points in the pregnancy. A few weeks after a vaginal ultrasound revealed two heartbeats, I was talking about the process with some coworkers and one of them said, “congratulations! You’re going to have twins!” Whoooah, Nelly, I said, or something to that effect. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves! I started telling her the odds of various outcomes given my personal situation — she seemed so sad! She seemed to want to reassure me that SHE was sure “nothing would go wrong.” But that’s not what the numbers said. So I entered into my pregnancy very gingerly, trying not to get my hopes up, keeping track of how, with each passing week, the odds of carrying the pregnancy to term increased, until finally, when I was about the size of a State Fair Winning pumpkin, the odds got good enough to start thinking about names and decorating a nursery. But even then, things could have still gone wrong. Newborns are fragile. SMA ran in my family, and at the time, there was no treatment (there is now, thank goodness!)… when I had my two newborns in my arms, I remember a friend saying of her daughter, about six months older, “I can’t imagine life without her!” And I recognized that I didn’t feel that way: I could easily imagine my life without my twins, at that point. But the older they got, the more they developed their personalities, the more physically strong they became, the more they REALLY were the idealized fantasy of a fetus that anti-abortion folks like to imagine: they were becoming people. And the whole journey said to me that being a person isn’t an on / off switch, it’s a process, and it’s not a heartbeat or a kick or a cry, but it’s also a little bit of all these things, because the journey requires all the steps. This was just my experience. Maybe other people miss their period and immediately have a deep emotional bond with the fertilized egg they’re carrying. And they should be allowed to make choices based on that feeling. I needed to make my choices based on my feelings. And unfortunately, with the changes in the law, I know that I would not attempt IVF or pregnancy again, because now the risk to my own life would be greater, and I am very much a person whose life is very much in need of protection.

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Nancy's avatar

I jumped off a table in my classroom, preparing the classroom for Kindergarteners. I was 4 months pregnant, it was a low table, easy landing. I miscarried later that day, my water breaking in front of 24 little kids. Would I today be accused of aborting my baby? Probably not, but you have to wonder.

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